The Marauders Holiday From Hell
by Jitz
Summary: A New Title! Formerly The Marauders Hit The Beach... this is what would happen if the Marauders plus 2 went on holiday... disaster and laughs inside! A mysterious person comes from the fridge, where does it come from, and what does it want? Find out insid
1. Preparing

I do not own J.K. Rowling's world, or her Characters.  
  
Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. :D  
  
This is after 5th year, in the summer holidays (obviously) and Ellen and Sirius are together, and so are Lily and James.  
  
Ellen is in the same year in Lily, and her best friend. There are other girls in their year, but more on them later!  
  
The Holiday From Hell  
  
Ellen's head popped in James' Fireplace.  
  
Sirius who was walking past, eating toast in his boxers, saw her, and chucked his toast away and knelt by the fireplace.  
  
"Heya!" Ellen said brightly.  
  
"Hey, gorgeous!" Sirius said, attempting to kiss her, but getting burnt by the fire.  
  
"Ow!" he squealed.  
  
"We're going to the beach tomorrow and you and James are coming." Ellen informed him.  
  
"We are?" Sirius said, excited. "Where's the beach?" he asked, looking around James's living room, as if he could find it. He couldn't, and gave up. It probably didn't helped that he didn't actually know what a beach was.  
  
"Don't worry, James knows." Ellen said, raising her eyebrow at Sirius.  
  
"Okay then! Bye!" Sirius said happily  
  
"Bye-bye" Ellen said, lowering her eyebrow at Sirius and disappearing.  
  
Sirius plodded off to find his toast, which was stuck to 2 walls, the couch and the ceiling. He was a growing boy; after all, which he constantly reminded himself.  
  
Once finishing his toast, which took a surprisingly short time, given the amount of toast, he wandered off to the Guest room, which he affectionately named, 'Siri's Pad'.  
  
He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, which looked as if food as been thrown up there, when James walked in, without knocking.  
  
"You do need to pack, Padfoot, we are staying there a week. And for goodness sakes, get out of your boxers!" James wisely told him.  
  
"What do I pack?" Sirius asked him, looking around his room, as if there was a big sign telling him what to do. There wasn't so he looked at James instead.  
  
"Lily was telling me about it. Its hot and sunny, so pack t-shirts and shorts. NOT boxers!" James told him, as Sirius opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"What's the beach, precious?" Sirius asked in a Gollum-like voice.  
  
"What the hell?!?!" James said, frightened.  
  
"I saw it on your muggle veletision." Sirius explained, wisely.  
  
"Oh!" James said, the light dawning on him. "The beach is like the lake, except with sand. And it's about 100 times bigger. With no giant squid."  
  
James buggered off after that, telling Sirius to pack.  
  
So Sirius packed, he packed some t-shirts, boxers, shorts and his swimming stuff, which was just more shorts. He also packed his 'Rocket 77', the latest broom.  
  
Looking out the window, he saw it was black. Must be night! Time for dinner! Sirius was said to himself. Packing takes an awful long time, precious. He added  
  
So, he went downstairs, where he smelled James's cooking.  
  
He sat at the table, and dug in. The food wasn't great, but it was James's cooking, and food was food.  
  
James's Dad was an auror and his mum was a healer that liked muggle equipment, so there was a lot of it in the house.  
  
Where Sirius came over for the first time, he was laughing at the 'oven', when it started beeping at him. He jumped about a foot in the air, and Mrs Potter and James laughed at him. Sirius wasn't so easily convinced. He steered clear of the oven after that.  
  
He had been watching the 'veletision' when something had started ringing, like a bell. Then Mrs Potter picked it up and it stopped ringing. Thank god. But she started talking to it, and Sirius was convinced that a Dementor was on the other side, sucking out her soul.  
  
So naturally, being the brave person he was, Sirius tried to rescue her by snatching it off her. Mrs Potter wasn't too keen on that idea, and glared at him. Sirius was sure she was about to turn into a Dementor, so he tried to wrestle it off her. Which was quite hard, seeing as James and Mr Potter were trying to pull him off her.  
  
So Sirius was convinced they were all Death-Eaters for about 5 minutes, then got bored.  
  
"Um, Sirius, dear, what are you doing?" Mrs Potter asked Sirius, who has been staring at the empty Mac and Cheese pot for 5 minutes. Mrs Potter continued. "If you want more macaroni and cheese, you'll have to go without, I'm afraid. Look, it's all gone. But, you can have some salad!"  
  
"Right!" Sirius said wisely, standing up and walking to his room.  
  
"There's no Muggle Magic in here", Sirius said to himself, lying on his bed without getting changed. He was only wearing boxers. He had a bad habit of not getting changed out of his boxers.  
  
James had to remind him at least 3 times before he would do it. He had even turned up to the Great Hall in his boxers. He thought he had seen Snape drool.  
  
With all these complex thought running through his mind, he found it surprisingly easy to get to sleep.  
  
* BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP *  
  
Sirius woke from a deep slumber, screaming, "KILL IT! KILL IT!"  
  
His panicked gaze fell on the red thing, which was beeping loudly. He seized his lamp, and began to smash the hell out of the beeping thing.  
  
"NO, SIRIUS, NO!!!" James yelled, running into Sirius's room, again, without knocking. How rude.  
  
James sprinted across Sirius's room, rescuing the lamp, and pressing a big yellow button the side of the now-not-beeping red thing.  
  
"This", explained a very stressed James, "Is an alarm clock. I put it in your room. It was meant was to wake you up, which I see it did."  
  
"Oh. Right." Sirius said, saving himself from potential embarrassment.  
  
"Get your bag, and come down to the living room. We're flooing out."  
  
Sirius nodded. After carefully arranging his hair, so it looked like he just woke up, he grabbed his bag and bounded happily down the stairs. Loudly too, because he could have sworn he could hear someone yelling "SHUT THE HELL UP!" But he must of Imagined it.  
  
James was sitting on the couch, patiently waiting for Sirius. A lot of people had to wait patiently for Sirius.  
  
"FOR HEAVENS SAKE, SIRIUS! GET SOME CLOTHES ON!!!" James bellowed at Sirius.  
  
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" a voice yelled back.  
  
"Did you hear that James? I've heard that voice before!" Sirius said excitedly.  
  
James gritted his teeth. "It was my dad."  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Are we leaving now?" he said, striding to the fireplace.  
  
"NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET CHANGED!!!" James screamed.  
  
Sirius thought the could hear someone yell, "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"  
  
"I've seen people on veletision do it!!! They wear boxers!" Sirius wailed.  
  
James rolled his eyes. "That is because, on veletision-er television, people are paid to do that. They are Advertising. You, however, are not."  
  
"Ahhh! I get you James!" Sirius said. "Time for breakfast!"  
  
"NO! SIRIUS GET-"  
  
"Please James." Sirius said, with a puppy-dog look in his eyes. "Please."  
  
Sirius was terribly frightened. He thought James might finish his sentence, and then he would HAVE to get changed. James was scary after he told you something for the 3rd time.  
  
"Ok. Have your stupid breakfast" James said grudgingly.  
  
Sirius had his stupid breakfast.  
  
"Ok, Sirius, get some clothes on."  
  
Sirius meekly obeyed.  
  
The finally flooed out, because Sirius had a sudden fear if he went last, the Muggle Magic would eat him. But if he went first, something the 'beach' might eat him.  
  
So they ended up going at the same time. 


	2. Making a Splash

I do not own J.K. Rowling's world, or her Characters.  
  
Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. :D  
  
This is after 5th year, in the summer holidays (obviously) and Ellen and Sirius are together, and so are Lily and James.  
  
Ellen is in the same year in Lily, and her best friend. There are other girls in their year, but more on them later!  
  
This is for Lux and cute2boot - thanks for reviewing! See the bottom of the  
story!  
  
The Holiday From Hell  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Sirius landed on top of James in Ellen's fireplace. He scrambled to his feet. "It sure is hot!" he complained, stripping down to his boxers. He walked out outside.  
  
James yelled after him "SIRIUS, GET SOME CLOTHES ON!" but he didn't think Sirius heard. He rolled his eyes, and got to his feet.  
  
"James!" a voice squealed in his ear.  
  
James looked at the voice. It was Lily, or looked an awful lot like her. But it could be Ellen, who was a metamorphmagus.  
  
"Hi, Ellen," he said smugly.  
  
Lily changed into Ellen. "How did you know it was me?" she whined.  
  
"Lily's more modest," James replied happily, walking to the sea.  
  
There, on the yellow sand, was Lily and SIRIUS! Locked in a passionate kiss.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!" James screamed, blowing the ceiling off the roof, (if there had been one)  
  
Lily saw him and grinned. "Hi again James! We have got to stop meeting like this!" She changed back into Ellen.  
  
"Why were you and Sirius kissing as you as Lily?" James said, confused.  
  
"Oh. He just wanted to know what it would be like!" Ellen said.  
  
"Well. IT'S NOT AS THE REAL THING!!!" James yelled at Sirius, who was playing in the water. James left with dignity, but came running back, to ask Ellen where Lily was.  
  
"Where's Lily, Ellen?" James asked Ellen.  
  
Ellen changed into James to answer. "She went into town with Remmy!" she said gleefully, in James's voice.  
  
Ellen scared James slightly. She could change her body completely to morph someone else's, so it was a reflection.  
  
"You know, I've always wondered-"Ellen said, getting cut off by James.  
  
"DON'T LOOK!"  
  
The bad thing about morphs was the person changed in the clothes they were in. So Ellen's tiny hot pink bikini was stretched badly.  
  
James was terrified. He was looking at himself in a hot pink bikini. And don't I look good! He thought. NO NO NO JAMES!  
  
Ellen began flicking her bikini bottom string menacingly, so James left. Quickly.  
  
Ellen changed back into herself and ran into the sea, next to Sirius, who was jumping every time a wave hit him.  
  
"Si, the waves are meant to hit you! Don't be afraid!" she said to him, as he jumped.  
  
Ellen spread her arms out, as a massive wave hit her. Her petite form was knocked over, and as she came to the surface, spluttering.  
  
"Shut up, Sirius!" she wailed.  
  
All Sirius did was laugh more.  
  
"I didn't know cats were water creatures!" Sirius laughed.  
  
"Well, they are!" Ellen sneered.  
  
After that wise retort, Ellen escaped from Sirius, and headed over to Remus, who had just come back from town. Lily was nowhere to be seen, except with James, probably.  
  
The only reason Ellen went out with Sirius was James had pleaded with her. And blackmailed her. Sirius annoyed James. He whined to James so he could go on his and Lily's dates, and then got shit-faced, and told Lily about all the stupid thing James had said and did.  
  
Sirius was kinda hot, thought Ellen, and funny but he's just so fucking ANNOYING!  
  
"Hello, Remus." Ellen greeted Remus.  
  
"Hi." Was the non-committal reply.  
  
"Moony, do you think it's funny to be knocked over by a wave?" Ellen interrogated him.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Ellen started to get angry, but then she realized what was up. She saw it in Remus's eyes.  
  
"Do you think I should kill Sirius?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can I screw your brother?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"REMUS! Your in love!" Ellen said delightedly. "Where is she? What's her name? Is she hot? Does she go with you?"  
  
Remus frowned. "That's exactly how Lily acted. She lives down the road, her name is Ann Smith, yes, she is hot, and she does go with me." Remus said defensively.  
  
Ellen hugged Remus. "Shot! Is she a muggle?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Hee hee! Where Lily?" Ellen asked, looking around.  
  
"Somewhere with James..." Remus said, in his vague way. "I'm gonna go to Ann's house. Bye!"  
  
"DON'T LEAVE ME WITH SIRIUS!!!!!!" Ellen yelled after him.  
  
Ellen walked back to Sirius, who was playing in the water happily.  
  
"Hey, Ellen! I really missed you, ya know?" Sirius said delightedly.  
  
"Really?" Ellen said with doubt.  
  
"Really!" said Sirius, and gave her a big hug.  
  
Ellen was more than slightly confused. Maybe James said something to him.  
  
Sirius wrapped his arm around Ellen's waist. He was a very happy dog - er, person. He was with the person he depended on most. Except James. And Remus. Lily helped. Peter just got in the way.  
  
"Wanna go into town?" Ellen asked Sirius.  
  
"Sure!" Sirius said happily.  
  
However, Sirius got bored with the pace of Ellen's walk. So he decided to speed her up a bit. He changed into his dog-form, and speed off.  
  
"SIRIUS!" Ellen yelled after him.  
  
Sirius turned around and cocked his head at Ellen. He woofed impatiently.  
  
"Allright, allright. I'm coming." Ellen muttered, changing her legs into incredibly long ones.  
  
She caught up to him on the edge of the town. Sirius woofed again.  
  
"Ok, ok!" With a crinkling of her nose, she gave herself, short legs, wide, brown eyes, small ears, shiny brown hair, perfect teeth, and brown skin.  
  
"Good enough?" she asked the dog, as a person came around the corner, and gave Ellen a odd look.  
  
"Oops! Gonna have to be careful!" Ellen looked down, she was still in her bikini.  
  
"Shit! Oh well, everyone wears one, aye Padfoot?" She asked the dog.  
  
Sirius looked at her, woofed.  
  
Sirius ran eagerly around the corner.  
  
After looking around the town, and buying Sirius an ice-cream, they got bored and decided to head back home.  
  
As soon as they got there, Sirius started whining.  
  
"Ellen, I'm hungry! Ellen, feed me! ELLEN! WHERE ARE YOU???" Sirius said, walking around, looking for Ellen.  
  
He looked in the toaster. No Ellen  
  
He looked in the toilet bowl. No Ellen.  
  
He looked in the dishwasher. No Ellen. Although, he nearly got his head stuck in there.  
  
Ellen was hiding behind the couch. She thought she was very clever, until Sirius came along and sat on it.  
  
Hiding behind the couch, Ellen swore. "Shit!"  
  
!!!REVIEWERS!!!  
  
Cute2boot - this is a crap story. Write up a better one, and I will 'attempt' to help. :P Good luck! P.S. Nice pix on the website! A thanks for saying it is good tho!  
  
Lux - Of Course I'll write some more! I hope u like it! Got any ideas? 


	3. Island Romance

I do not own J.K. Rowling's world, or her Characters.  
  
Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. :D  
  
This is after 5th year, in the summer holidays (obviously) and Ellen and Sirius are together, and so are Lily and James.  
  
Ellen is in the same year in Lily, and her best friend. There are other girls in their year, but more on them later!  
  
Please excuse and bad spelling, grammar... blah blah blah... I have no  
spell check.  
  
The Bay of Islands is a real place, in New Zealand.  
  
Dolphin Discovery is real... I'm not sure if that's it's name though... and  
if it has a cafe.  
  
The Holiday From Hell  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Sirius sat on the couch, having given up on Ellen. She would show up sooner or later. But he was so hungry!!!  
  
So, he decided to do the big boy thing and make himself some lunch. Wandering over to the kitchen, full of wonderous muggle contraptions. He spotted his friends. The oven and the fridge. He caressed them lovingly.  
  
Opening the the fridge, he was shocked. There was no food! Sirius gasped, checking all the cupboards... there was NO FOOD!  
  
Sirius sat, shaking badly. He needed to think. he could go to town, he thought to himself. Yeah, that was right... but he had no muggle money! Oh the inhumanity. He fell off the kitchen stool onto his knees, praying to god that something good would happen to him.  
  
Ellen walked into the kitchen to find Sirius, on his knees crying. "Sirius," Ellen said, puzzled, "what's up?"  
  
Sirius lunged at her, and sobbed into her shoulder. "Ellen...... there's no foooooooooooood!!!!" he wailed.  
  
"It's ok, Si... We'll get you some food." she steered him to the couch, and unlatching herself, she switched on the tv. He was instantly wired.  
  
"Oooooooook..." Ellen said, scared. She grabbed the kitty money Remus had put away for food. He obviously forgot to buy it.  
  
On her way out, she crashed into James and Lily. "Heya!" she said brightly. "I'm off to buy food!" as she danced away.  
  
When she finally got back, James, Sirius, Lily, Remus and Peter were watching tv. "Hi, Peter." Ellen said glumly, dropping the shopping bags on the floor. Remus, Sirius and James lunged at them to put them away. Anything to get away from Peter.  
  
"So... Peter... hows your holiday been?" Ellen asked.  
  
"Good..." Peter said nervously.  
  
***INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE***  
  
"Who wants lunch?" Remus asked, putting his head through the doorway.  
  
"Why don't we do that?" asked Lily, sprinting through the door. There was a resounding crash, and curse came from James's lips.  
  
"Oops!" cried Lily, "are you ok, James?"  
  
"Just fine..." he said, his voice metallic.  
  
"Let me get that pot off your head, James!" Sirius said gleefully. "Oops. I dropped it again!"  
  
"OWWWWWW!" James screamed.  
  
"Potter's got a POT on his head, get it Lily!"  
  
"I get it, Sirius"  
  
"Goddamn!" muttered Ellen, striding to the kitchen, Peter on her heels.  
  
The kitchen was a shambles. James was lying on the ground, a pot on his head. Lily was kneeling next to him, in ankle deep water. Remus was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Owwie..." muttered James, pulling the pot off his head.  
  
Sirius smirked. Lily scowled. Ellen rolled her eyes. Peter looked dumbly at his feet, his mouth open.  
  
Remus walked calmly back into the room. "Everyone, we are going on the Fullers, Bay of Islands Dolphin Discovery, and a cleaner is coming in. Everyone get changed. We leave in half an hour."  
  
Everyone ran off to do what was asked.  
  
***HALF AN HOUR LATER***  
  
"Allrighty, lets leave then!" Ellen said happily, as she bounced out the door. Sirius followed.  
  
Remus however, frowned. "Where's Peter?" he asked.  
  
"Try the bathroom." James suggested, walking outside with Lily.  
  
James was right. Peter was in the bathroom. "Wormtail, we're leaving now." he called.  
  
"I know!" was the call back, in a strained voice.  
  
Remus listened carefully. He heard a giggle and a whisper.  
  
"Is there someone in there with you, Peter?" Remus asked.  
  
"No... I feel sick. I don't wanna come."  
  
"Ok." Remus shrugged, leaving the house. He saw Ann. "Ann!" he called  
  
She whirled around. "Hey!" she walked over, beaming.  
  
"We're going on the Dolphin Discovery, you wanna come?" he asked.  
  
"No... I get seasick." she explained.  
  
"Oh, ok." said Remus, feeling slightly put out. Was it his imagination, or did she, seem... shifty?  
  
"Bye." she said, walking away quickly.  
  
Remus frowned, deep in thought, until James's voice cut through. "MOONY! HURRY UP!"  
  
As they boarded the boat, James was looking happy, Remus worried, Ellen estatic, and Lily and Sirius were deep in conversation.  
  
Everyone except Remus headed to the cafe. He stayed on deck, thinking through complex though, with the salty air blowing through his hair.  
  
After 15 minutes, James couldn't take it any longer. He sprinted out of the cafe, looking sick.  
  
Lily got up, but Ellen smiled at her. "I thought this might happen, so I got some magic seasickness bracelets." She dangled up bright blue bands with a green button on each. "See ya!" she said brightly, striding out of the cafe after James.  
  
She found him in the toilet, or rather, she heard him retching. "James!" she called through the door. "I got something for you!"  
  
James opened the door. "Hi." he croaked. Ellen smiled at him, and gave him the seasickness bands, and mouthwash.  
  
He grinned, grabbed the stuff, and shut the door behind him. A minute later, he appeared. "That stuff is magic!" he said happily.  
  
"Well, yes, it is!" Ellen said dryly.  
  
James grinned at her. "I want to thank you. Without this, I would have been throwing up for 4 hours." He grabbed her hands. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked, leaning in.  
  
"Well..." Ellen trailed off as James's lips touched hers. They were locked in a sweet sweet kiss, until...  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!" Remus yelled, seeing his best friend kiss his other best friends girlfriend.  
  
Ellen and James broke apart quickly, looking everywhere except each other and Remus.  
  
"That's it!" he muttered, "you two are going to tell Sirius and Lily." He stormed off in the direction of the cafe, James and Ellen following him, pleading for him not to make them tell-  
  
Remus stopped suddenly at the cafe doorway. James and Ellen crashed into him.  
  
There, sitting at the table was Lily and Sirius, kissing!  
  
"WHA?" yelled Ellen, Remus and James.  
  
Lily and Sirius jumped at the yell, and quickly moved apart. Remus, Ellen and James walked over quickly.  
  
"How could you, Lily?" wailed Ellen.  
  
"Yeah, Sirius?" James said angrily.  
  
"Hey, you two were kissing as well!" Remus cried angrily.  
  
Everyone stopped talking at once, and looked at Remus.  
  
"That's right! Lily and Sirius were kissing, Ellen and James were kissing, I think Peter's gotta hooker in the bathroom, and Ann's cheating on me already!"  
  
Remus stormed out of the cafe, leaving 4 very guilty teens inside.  
  
When the boat finally got back to dock, 5 people rushed off very quickly. As they headed back to the bach, they saw Remus's girlfriend, kissing some blonde surfer.  
  
"Figures." muttered Remus.  
  
Sirius wasn't going to stand for that though. His best friend had been cheated on, and so had he, and so had his other best friend... "SLUT!" he yelled at Ann.  
  
She jumped, and saw Remus. She sneered and went back to her slutty kissing.  
  
When the 5 finally got home, who did they see on the couch? Peter and Snape. They were rolling on top of things, running fingers through hair, and other disgusting things I cannot mention...  
  
REVIEW  
  
And go read Cute2boot 's stories... especially Hopelessly Devoted :D 


	4. Problems Ahoy

I do not own J.K. Rowling's world, or her Characters.  
  
Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. :D  
  
This is after 5th year, in the summer holidays (obviously) and Ellen and Sirius are together, and so are Lily and James.  
  
Ellen is in the same year in Lily, and her best friend. There are other girls in their year, but more on them later!  
  
Please excuse and bad spelling, grammar... blah blah blah... I have no  
spell check.  
  
The Holiday From Hell  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"THIS CAPS IT ALL OFF, DOESN'T IT?!?!?!" Remus yelled, upon seeing Peter and Snape.  
  
While he was being angry, Sirius and James were retching and Lily had fainted. Ellen got such a shock her features began flickering.  
  
Snape the slut climbed off Peter and smoothed his robes. He stalked out of the house, his robes flowing magestically behind him. Peter sighed longingly.  
  
Sirius stopped retching, only to throw himself at Peter, who was expecting a bit of a fondle. He was in for a surprise however, when Sirius began throttling him.  
  
Peter began to turn blue.  
  
"Ok, mate, lay off." James said half-heartedly.  
  
Sirirus jerked Peter away from him, a look of disgust on his sharply etched features. "How could you?" he wailed.  
  
"So? He's not cheating on his girlfriend with his best friends' girlfriend, is he?" Remus said bitterly, throwing himself in a recently cleaned chair.  
  
Peter looked shocked. "So you-" he waved a hand in Lily direction on the floor, where she was blinking and looking shocked, "and you-" he looked up in the direction of the 6ft 3" giant, who was glaring at him.  
  
"And you and you!" he cried, gesturing in the direction of James, was was looking sick, and Ellen, who's features had returned to normal.  
  
"Hey!" Sirius protested  
  
"I guess so." Lily said, who was looking tired.  
  
"Shite." Peter muttered.  
  
"That sums it up." James quipped  
  
"When can we leave?" Ellen asked, walking over to the couch and sitting heavily in it.  
  
Remus glared into the fireplace. "Not until next week today, sorry."  
  
"WHAT???" asked 4 voices in disbelief.  
  
Everyone looked at Peter.  
  
"Sorry." he said, in a small voice  
  
"Better be!" growled Sirius.  
  
"Well... we can just catch the Knight bus home... now!" James said excitedly.  
  
Remus fiddled with his necklace. "Well... we can't."  
  
"YOU'RE KIDDING!" answered four voices.  
  
"Yeah, I am. Pretty good joke though, huh?" Remus said, grinning at their scared voices.  
  
"So that's it then! We pack, and leave this hellish holiday!" James said, looking relieved.  
  
Lily groaned. "I can't! Vernon and Petunia are at home, while my parents holiday! I'll be killed!"  
  
Remus shrugged. "I can't go home either. My aunt is staying at my place, there's no room for me. You four can go home though," he said generously.  
  
"No." Sirius said seriously. "We look out for one anyother. Now is not the time to back on that."  
  
These words had no effect on the girls, but the boys looked ashamed.  
  
Everyone sat in the living room silently until Ellen piped up, "I'm bored!"  
  
"I'll do a magic trick!" James said excitedly. "I'll pull a potato from my pocket!"  
  
The others watched, slightly interested, as James pulled a potato from his pocket.  
  
"That's my magic trick!" James said.  
  
The others clapped reluctantly.  
  
James bowed. As he straightened, an owl collided with the back of his head. The others burst out laughing.  
  
"That's a good trick, James!" Ellen said, chuckling.  
  
"Ow..." James rubbed the back of his head. He could fell a headache coming on. He grabbed the letter from the owl, and read it out loud.  
  
"Dear Mr J. H. Potter  
  
We have received reports from our Intellengence that you used an Accio charm at 2:11. Now, since you think you're the bomb, we would have given you a warning. However, since it was done in the presense of a muggle... we are considering suspension from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
You will be notified on your return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
Until then, happy holidays.  
  
Yours Sincerely, Hopscotch Hopkirk"  
  
"Well. What a bunch of shit," James said, grabbing a quill and ink from the table, and sitting down. There, he flipped his letter over and composed his letter for all to hear...  
  
"Dear Mr Hopkirk, the idiot."  
  
"James!" squealed Lily. "You can't write that!"  
  
"Dear Mr Hopkirk."  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Better."  
  
"Dear Mr Hopkirk.  
  
Your "Intellegence" can't be very intellengent, seeing as I didn't use a "Accio charm."  
  
I pulled a potato out of my pocket. You may be wondering why i carry a potato in my pocket, but keep wondering. I have my reasons.  
  
We have no muggles in this dwelling. We are all wizards and witches. Some more than others.  
  
Yours insincerely,  
  
J. H. Potter (the mintest one of them all!)  
  
He attached the letter to the owls leg, and it flew off.  
  
"So," he said, turning to face the group, "who's the muggle?"  
  
"I am." someone said, walking out of the fridge...  
  
I need someone with a spellcheck to fix up my mistakes... any takers? I'll give u advertising space...... :D  
  
REVIEW... does anyone have an idea for the person....... I don't know who is it yet! 


	5. The Big Falling Out

I do not own J.K. Rowling's world, or her Characters.  
  
Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. :D  
  
This is after 5th year, in the summer holidays.  
  
Ellen is in the same year in Lily, and her best friend. There are other girls in their year, but more on them later!  
  
Please excuse and bad spelling, grammar... blah blah blah... I have no  
spell check.  
  
The Holiday From Hell  
  
Chapter 5  
  
IN THE LAST CHAPTER: "Who's the muggle?" "I am," said a person, walking out of the fridge...  
  
"Isn't it cold in there?" Sirius asked in concern.  
  
"Oh, so you're all concerned about him, huh? Didn't look so worried when you were cheating on me!" Ellen spat.  
  
"Oh ho, you hoe! You wouldn't have told us you were having a romp in the toilets!" Sirius yelled.  
  
"THAT WAS OUT OF ORDER, SIRIUS!" James bellowed. "We were in the hallway!"  
  
"And that makes it all better, I suppose?" Lily shrieked  
  
"Well-" some started but got cut off by...  
  
"SHUT UP!!!"  
  
Everyone looked at Remus in surprise.  
  
"The Fridge Person got away... and so did Peter!" Remus exclaimed  
  
"Oh." "Oops." "This is your fault Potter." "Whatever, Evans."  
  
Once they had found Peter - trying to escape by climbing a tree, they headed back inside, exhausted. Everyone picked a chair to slump on, and Sirius turned on the T.V.  
  
"It's all bad!" he wailed, smacking the T.V on the top. This just made the grainy picture worse.  
  
"FIX IT!!!" he screamed.  
  
James sighed and climbed out the window, onto the roof. He fiddled with the aerial. "IS IT GOOD?" he yelled down.  
  
Sirius squealed with delight, and James, thinking he had got an electric shock yelled,  
  
"HANG ON PADFOOT!!!"  
  
He attempted to swing from the ceiling into the room, and save Sirius, his best friend.  
  
He fell off the roof.  
  
"OWWW!!!" came the familar yell.  
  
Ellen rushed to the window, and peered out it. "You ok, James?"she asked gently.  
  
James thought about it and came to the conclusion, NO he was not ok! It was hot, and he was feeling yucky and sticky, then Lily kisses his best friend, then he falls from a roof, trying saving his best friend, who kissed his girlfriend. His life was like "The house that Jack lived in." or whatever it was called.  
  
"I'm Fine!" he yelled angrily, getting to his feet, and climbing through the window. As he did so, sneaky Sirius, who was peering out of the corner of his eye at him, pushed him out of the window, pretending to 'stretch.'  
  
"Sirius!" scolded two voices. Lily and Ellen looked at each other, and glared.  
  
James walked through the front door, and said seriously, "We've got to sort this out. This is worse than last year."  
  
Remus sighed.  
  
^-^ - All wizards know what muggles are! Thanks for the review! Goodbyekittygurl - I love being random! It's so much fun :D Lux - Thanks for your ideas! I'll prolly put Mr Fridge Person in again... if there's another chappie after this! I love you for reviewing!!!!!!! :D :D :D!  
  
GO READ HOPELESSLY DEVOTED BY cute2boot.  
  
REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! 


	6. The Great Girlfriend Swap

I do not own J.K. Rowling's world, or her Characters.  
  
Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. :D  
  
This is after 5th year, in the summer holidays.  
  
Ellen is in the same year in Lily, and her best friend. There are other girls in their year, but more on them later!  
  
Please excuse and bad spelling, grammar... blah blah blah... I have no  
spell check.  
  
The Holiday From Hell  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Last Chapter: "We've got to sort this out..."  
  
"So," sighed Peter, "where to start?"  
  
"Who said anything about starting? Forgive and forget?" Sirius asked  
  
"Why not?" said James, grinning.  
  
"I'm in!" Ellen agreed.  
  
"I LOVE SEVERUS SNAPE!!!" yelled Peter, running out the open door.  
  
"Oooooooook then.. who wants to beat him to a pulp!?" Sirius asked, seriously.  
  
"Sirius..." Remus said warningly.  
  
"So... who's up for a swim? Last one out is a rotten egg!" Ellen said, sprinting out the open door.  
  
"Who wants to follow her?" Sirius asked meanly.  
  
"HEY! HURRY UP YOU GUYS!!!" Ellen yelled from outside.  
  
All followed her to the sea.  
  
In the middle of a huge water fight - which James, Ellen and Remus were winning, Ann, Remus's ex, came over.  
  
Everyone stopped and looked at her.  
  
"Remus," she said quietly, "may we have a word in private?"  
  
As Remus was pondering this mighty big idea, Sirius couldn't help himself.  
  
"Your the one that cheated on him in front of us! Why should you do this in private, hmmmm?"  
  
"Fine! If that's what you want... Remus, I'm a man!" Ann said angrily. "I was cheating on you... with my brother!"  
  
Lily fainted. James was too busy screaming to hear his friends telling him to shush. Sirius, Remus and Ellen seemed too shocked to do anything.  
  
However, it was Sirius, the slowest of them, that came to his wits first.  
  
"You're a man - right?" he asked Ann the Man.  
  
"Yes.." he said, puzzled.  
  
So Sirius punched him so hard he fell to the ground.  
  
"Sirius!" called 2 voices, one in approval, the other in shock.  
  
As Remus's girlfriend hurried off, questions were asked.  
  
"Did you know she was a man?"  
  
"Obviously not, or he wouldn't have gone out with her!"  
  
"Like, Oh My Fucking God! What did you do with her... him... it? No touching, i'm guessing...?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"SHE'S A FUCKING MAN! ARGHHHHHHH!"  
  
"WE KNOW!'  
  
"Oh god... I've got to go... disinfect myself..." Remus muttered hurrying off to the house.  
  
Sirius, Lily, Ellen and James watched as he scuttled off to town.  
  
"So, James," Sirius said, floating on his back in the water, as the girls went to the shore to sunbathe, "how about a girlfriend swap?"  
  
"A what?!"  
  
"Well... i've kissed Lily, you've kissed Ellen... may as well go all the way!" Sirius said brightly.  
  
James thought about this for all of 2 seconds. Lily was... shy... Ellen was not.  
  
"Sure!" James said happily, swimming back into shore, Sirius behind him.  
  
"Hi girls!" Sirius said so excitidly, the girls exchanged looks.  
  
Due to some... uh... cheating, we've decided to have a girlfriend swap!"  
  
"A WHAT!?!?!?!" The girls chorused.  
  
Sirius and James glanced at each other. The girls were'nt taking it as well as they hoped.  
  
"Well... Sirius gets Lily, I get you, Elz!" James said happily.  
  
Ellen was about to reply that she wasn't ANYONE'S, when Lily dragged her away.  
  
"We just need to think about this!" lily called over her shoulder.  
  
"What are you doing?!" Ellen hissed, once they were out of earshot of the boys.  
  
"I know you want James, and I want Sirius, but we don't want to seem to eager!"  
  
Ellen looked confuzzled.  
  
"Elly," Lily said, as if talking to a 5 year old, "we don't want to seem to eager, we can get stuff out of these boys! There rolling in it!"  
  
"Ahhhhhh!" said Ellen, finally getting it. "They are rich... and Sirius is way too tall!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Lily said, looking shocked.  
  
"He's like 6ft 3"! I'm only 5ft 4''!" Ellen explained.  
  
"So am I!"  
  
"How tall is James?" Ellen asked.  
  
"About... 6ft 1"!" Lily gave a little giggle.  
  
"And how is he in bed, Lily?" Ellen said, looking sly.  
  
Lily shrieked. "I wouldn't know! How's Sirius?"  
  
Ellen winked. "You'll find out soon enough!"  
  
"Slut!"  
  
Ellen laughed as she and Lily walked back over to the boys.  
  
"What have you 2 been talking about, hmmmm?" James asked, as Ellen sat by him.  
  
"Nothing!" she replied sweetly.  
  
"So, Lily!" Sirius said, giving Lily a wicked grin.  
  
"So, Sirius." Lily replied, slightly puzzled.  
  
"Watch out Lily" Ellen warned her, as Sirius picked her up and threw her in the water.  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Lily asked furiously.  
  
"Just to see how good you look wet!" Sirius replied cheekily.  
  
As a passionate water fight followed James and Ellen were having a thoughtful and passion filled dicussion - or pashfest - when they saw Remus coming back from town, with buckets, towles, bleach and rubber gloves.  
  
"Poor guy!" Ellen said sadly, as they watched Remus walk inside, muttering to himself.  
  
"I know... I mean... SHE'S A MAN!!!!!!" James screamed.  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP POTTER!!!" Remus yelled from inside.  
  
James was about to defend his action when Lily and Sirius came over.  
  
"I've got a great idea!" Sirius proclaimed loudly.  
  
"............"  
  
"So what is it?" James asked.  
  
"Girls vs. Guys. 3 challenges. Winner wins... something." Lily said.  
  
"Girls win... we got on a shopping spree... then dinner, at the flashest restaurant... tuxes and everything!" Ellen suggested.  
  
"Ohh! I like!"  
  
"Ok - we win - we go skinny dipping!" James said quickly.  
  
"WHAT?!" Ellen and Lily said in unison.  
  
"At night!" James added fastly.  
  
"I'm in!" Sirius said.  
  
The girls were up for it.. and thats were things started going even worse...  
  
goodbyekittygurl - the fridge person may or may not make a comeback. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
REVIEW THEN READ HOPELESSLY DEVOTED BY cute2boot 


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